Unable to speak


Looking through my old art books was intriguing. I stopped being able to paint self portraits for many years.  Even before that it was only very occasional that I could do it, due to the amount of time spent in bed or paralysed in a chair. Now my cognitive ability is so much worse too. I have only recently tried again.

On first looking at this picture, it looks quite ordinary, but as I look closer I see my mouth is shut tight, my lips are in fact stuck together, my face swollen on the left side, my eyes looking in slightly odd directions. This is all due to physical paralysis of the facial muscles on the left side. It highlights for me the invisibility of suffering, the difficulty in perceiving the inner anguish and agony. But I think it also highlights a dignity and strength required to survive this over decades.
 

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